(This article has been contributed by Deepak Sapra’92)

(The Queen's English is dead, except in Ireland and India, so say the purists at Oxford, Cambridge, and Eton. How true!! A few years ago, the UPSC question paper for the Civil services examination had a question, which said, write an essay on the cow. Here's what a candidate had to say on the subject.)

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is female, he give milk, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.

His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so. All in all, the cow is like India because it has two sings- India also had two sings- Bhagat Sing and Zail Sing

This is the cow in a nutshell."

P.S.: Informed sources tell me that the candidate passed the exam and is now an IAS officer.

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