Pranjol Chandra’96

Heisenberg postulated the uncertainty principle. Murphy’s Law predicted that if there is a chance of any thing going wrong, it will. All these laws & postulates leave one with a feeling; that if one were to view life it would be a Grey image where every thing is dim, distorted, blurred, with no definite shape, just some shadows lurking in the dark & shades of gray and black. The future - dark, fore-boding, unpredictable.

This is a very dismal view of life. Things are not helped if one has friends who are self proclaimed philosophers. The newspapers, magazines they all confirm our view .our lives it seems is out of our control. We seem to be puppets on strings living out a story about which we have no idea what so ever. Every thing seems to be uncertain - - - - - - - -

How ever in such an atmosphere of uncertainty there glimmers a ray of light. As the uncertainty principle is responsible for the gloom a new breed of scientists positive in approach are working on a new project. They work to bring hope, they work to present to the world the certainty principle, working in a secret lab. In Gymkhana these indomitable spirits have made enormous discoveries which they presented to the world recently.

The report on their progress as declared in a communiqué to the press reads as follows: -

" Strictly speaking this principle so far is an exception rather a rule. It is based on our one and only, our favorite Farrakka express. A lot of experimental data was collected on this major discovery & what we have found is no less exciting than the discovery of the orbital of electrons.

The Farrakka express on time. This is the backbone or the exception to the rule. Fully stated our law, which we find, is nearly obeyed by all trains & aeroplanes all over but none so distinctly as Owing to lack of space and time we shall not discuss the mathematics of this law, suffice it to say we had to evolve a new branch of operatives, operations, functions & an advance in calculus. The most revolutionary function we have developed is the Farrakka operation. After all that maths and operations " two of our scientists have had nervous break downs - so complicated is the mathematical analysis." and taking into account general relativity, special relativity space & time warp, alien intervention function " another new function developed by us." We came to the conclusion that were the world to go on to eternity Farrakka express shall always do the expected i.e.:

  1. It will always be late
  2. If on time, where upon one embarks or entrains then it will surely (not probably, not possibly) reached the place where one has to get off late.
  3. If it is late where one embarks it will surely reach the station of one’s destination before time.
  4. There is a limit however to how late it can get. Using mathematics discussed above & a new constant discovered by us which we call Farrakka constant we have found that time limit to be as 2<=T<=20 or in some cases T= infinity, i.e. the train is cancelled.
  5. In view of the definitions above few points need elucidation.

  6. Late is more than two hours.
  7. On time about two hours late.

We have not yet been able to find the exact law to predict when this train will be cancelled or before time but our senior scientists are working whole & soul in this direction. However the major part of a project still remains & we carry on observing minutely the goings on of Farrakka. Off one point though we are pretty certain Farrakka will never be on time.


Unfortunately this is as far as the project could go. Farrakka surprised everyone by being on time for two consecutive days. The poor scientists could not bear the shock and they had a nervous breakdown, they are at present recuperating with their two colleagues who had earlier had the breakdown we wish them a speedy recovery.

Though it is not yet official, an unnamed source revealed to us that the statement about the scientists having a nervous break down is false. After their failure in their Farrakka project they did not give up. It is rumored that they are now working on a very hush hush project, dealing with UFOs. As and when we have more information we shall inform our readers. Till then we can only wait.

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